evelynwordsmyth (evelynwordsmyth) wrote in fantasywriters,

Need Some Feedback

So, I've go this vampire story in my head, but I just can't seem to get it out properly.

I have two versions, half-written.

Would anybody mind taking a look at them and see if either A)they're any good and worth continuing and/or B)which one you might like more.


The first version is here. It's in first-person narrative and a very rough draft. There's a tentative beginning and ending written out. I found it difficult narrating in the perspective of a character who's very different from me. I kept losing his voice, so to speak.

The second version is here. It's in third-person, but I found it difficult as well. I lost interest in this one even sooner.
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